Dear Haters, Thank You For The Love
By George L. Rosario, Bible Based Business Consultant at GC Rosario Group
I always thought the term hater would only be found in urban dictionaries. I didn’t expect to find it in mainstream academic dictionaries. I decided to Google the definition of hater and I discovered that the term is more mainstream than I thought, and that it isn’t always labeled as slang. Apparently, I was wrong about this word.
The Cambridge English Dictionary defines hater as a person who says or writes unpleasant things about someone or criticizes their achievements, especially on the internet.
Your Dictionary describes is as a slang, pejorative speaking of one who expresses unfounded or inappropriate hatred or dislike, particularly if motivated by envy; as a slang term for someone who is negative or who discourages others; someone who feels strong bad feelings against a person or thing.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as a person who hates someone or something, or as a person who actively and aggressively criticizes and disparages something or someone (such as a celebrity or public figure). Merriam-Webster shared an interesting fact; the first known use of hater was in the 14th century.
Dictionary.com defines is as a person who has an intense dislike for another person or thing (often used in combination); a person who thrives on showing hate toward, criticizing, or belittling other people or things, usually unfairly.
And finally, the Urban Dictionary defines a hater as a person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.
Here are some of the valuable lessons I’ve learned from studying people who attacked me with a hater-style of negativity.
DON’T DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT HATERS DO UNTO YOU:
There are 4 things haters aim to do. They love to dishonor, divide, discredit & displace others.
How do they dishonor you?
They often come at you with insults. They can’t simply agree to disagree and engage you in civil discourse. They often resort to name calling, public humiliation, slander, harsh criticism, screaming matches, organized boycotts, playing the victim in front of others and accusing you of offending them.
Some of these haters will mount calculated hate campaigns against you masked as information for the greater good. These are the in-your-face type of haters that will lie about you while you are in the room. They are so good at what they do that when you come to your own defense, they’ll make you look like a bigger liar.
Others will hide behind the anonymity of their keyboards and social media accounts to spread lies about you. These are the Twitter Finger, Facebook Vigilante, YouTube Commentator, Instagram Influencer, TikTok Terrorist who will stop at nothing to build a following on the back of their hate for you.
Don’t be this type of hater. Don’t dishonor people.
How do they divide you?
This tactic works great with groups (companies, teams, organizations, churches, marriages, families, friendships, etc.). The hater will seek the weak link in your team or organization and turn them against you. The divisive hater relies on those who are weak minded and disloyal to the team or group. They will feed them lies and misinformation to discredit the organization in the weak link’s eyes, and then use that weak link to hurt you.
How do divisive people work? They often extract insider information by using the weak link as their spy. that they can use to hurt you. They sometimes take it a step further and have the weak link plant damaging evidence against others to shame them and “bring them down.” Others will spread lies to the rest of the team or to the public, and sabotage your success.
Don’t be this type of hater. Don’t be divisive.
How do they discredit you?
Lies become perceived truths when they are repeated often enough. You can convince yourself that a lie is true if you say it often enough. There have been people that have lied so often about an illness or condition that they begin to acquire the symptoms of that illness or condition. There have been reports of women that lie about being pregnant, and convince themselves to the point that they display the physical characteristics of a pregnant woman, and some have even had a change in their menstrual cycle. The mind is a powerful tool.
People will discredit you by spreading lies and false information about you. They will repeat a lie so often that they’ll convince others that it is true. Some are so good at it that they may even convince you to believe the lies about you. These are the discredit masterminds, and they are so dangerous and common that you can find them in just about every field and industry.
We see the discrediting haters in politics and the media. They spew hateful propaganda against their opponents and convince the crowds to believe their lies. There is a huge tsunami of misinformation, lies and discrediting propagandists that hit the public during every election year. The campaign trail becomes a mudslinging free-for-all and most are never held accountable for their lies.
Don’t be this type of hater. Don’t wrongfully discredit others.
How do they displace you?
I think the worst kind in my eyes is the hater that aims to completely displace you from a position or a level of success that you’ve worked hard for, earned and deserve. This type of hater doesn’t just want you beaten, they want you destroyed. Some will try to bully you until they push you so far over the edge that you entire life is destroyed.
I say this is the worst kind of hater because to them, it’s not enough to make you lose, they want to make you disappear. These are the kind of haters that would celebrate the moment they pushed someone to commit social, or actual suicide. They celebrate destruction and death. I’m sure if you think about it, you can think of someone, either fictional movie character or real life villain who relishes in other people’s pain and death.
These haters accomplish their total destruction of others by learning them no space to breath. They may push you out of one room, and then set fire to the new room you enter, just to keep pushing you further and further into a corner, until you run out of room to breath. They are the most hateful, because it’s not about them winning; it’s about you dying.
Please don’t be this type of hater. Please do not try to displace others.
How do we combat haters in our own lives?
The most powerful tool you have against haters is your why. See, if you have a strong enough why, the lies, hate and attacks will have a difficult time sticking. The size of your why drives the depth of your commitment.
Another powerful tool is your preparation. If you prepare for the haters before you jump into a field or project, you will not fall apart when the attacks come. Don’t let lack of preparation allow the haters to catch you off guard.
Then there is the importance of systems, checkpoints and procedures. A good pilot does not take off in an airplane without following a very important, very detailed, step by step safety process. They will have a checklist of things to check and inspect before they even turn the aircraft on. They will check all systems, and make sure all equipment is working properly. They follow a safety and operation procedure that ensures they are leaving nothing to chance.
Finally, it won’t hurt to have a little faith. I dare say that even those who say they don’t believe in God still believe in something greater than themselves. You don’t believe me? Right now the people who say we are stupid for believing in the healing power of Our Heavenly Father demand that we believe in science. They put their faith on doctors, at least the doctors that are allowed to share their opinion with the public. Other will put their trust (faith) on things like psychics, astrology and luck. Others trust the numbers and worship mathematics and statistics. Either way, everyone believes in something greater than themselves. I choose to put my faith in God. Why? Let’s talk about it.
I hope the information above has been helpful. If you do not have any haters in your life, perhaps you are not doing enough. Haters only notice people who are doing something worth noticing. So do something of importance and get yourself some haters.
Remind yourself that hating on those who are making moves is just the way haters show love. That may not be 100% true, but if you teach yourself to look at their hate through this lens, you will always win. I’ve come to love and welcome the haters. Especially when I look at it as a perfect opportunity to change a hater into a fan. It happens!
I leave you with one final thought. If you think you are too good to acquire some haters along your path to success, you are sadly mistaken. Consider this, there has never been a great leader or mentor in this world that did not get some haters on the journey to greatness. Consider this; even God has haters. Plenty of them!
If you’ve been working on something hater worthy and you’re having trouble getting it done or getting it noticed, I can help. Throughout my consulting career, I’ve had the privilege of helping hundreds of individuals and groups go from hater free status to hater rich status. I’ve also had the blessing of teaching them the art of turning haters into a fans. Let’s talk about it.
George L. Rosario is a Brooklyn NY born & raised businessman & entrepreneur turned consultant. He started GC Rosario Group with his lovely wife Claudia. With over 30 years of service to the marketplace in NYC, George has relocated and been graciously adopted by the business community of South Florida. He now travels the country helping businesses and organizations thrive in today’s noisy environment. The post-Covid era forced many to close their doors, but also opened new doors of opportunity, growth and prosperity for innovative thinkers. George & Claudia Rosario help companies, businesses, organizations and teams develop the necessary skillset and plan of action to not just survive, but thrive in this new world. GC Rosario Group helps both secular and Christian based institutions meet their goals.